My brain has left the building...

Well again, I write with another huge gap in between post.  However this one was because I was extremely busy with well extremely busy things, but mostly because I had ridiculous technical difficulties...all this time I had thought that my computer was broken because it wouldn't connect to the internet.  Sadly after actually not getting frustrated and putting the computer down, and actually trying to diagnose the problem, I discovered that (I'm embarrassed to admit) all this time, the simple fix was that the wireless switch was turned off...does this really shock anyone?  I mean seriously, why is that switch even necessary?  Don't we all function around the internet, who actually wants to turn this option off?  (If there is an actual reason for it, please do not tell me, I feel better thinking that this is pointless switch that many people could have made this mistake)

So any who, last time we spoke, er...typed, er...you read, we, well really I was headed back to the doctor to check on my levels of estrogen, because they were extremely high.  Well with my entire cycle being so strange, In between my doctors appointments, I just decided to take an ovulation test and BAMM smiley face popped up.   Which I wont go into detail about, lol, but I'm fairly certain you can figure it out.  So you can imagine my confusion, at all of this, I was 2 weeks late, I make an appointment, get blood drawn, start an hour later, stop a day later, take an ovulation test and its positive, which shouldn't be positive because well what sense does that make?  You don't ovulate until 12 to 14 days after your cycle starts, BUT OF COURSE THAT'S NOT THE CASE WITH ME!  So I'm just about thinking that I'm a nut job, this can't be right.  I'm off on something, my brain has officially convinced my body its as crazy as my mind sometimes feels.  So then I'm left wondering, do I need a psychiatrist, or a fertility doctor. 

  After sleeping on it, I decided to to keep my appointment with the fertility doctor...but didn't rule out the psychiatry appointment, lol.  I arrived to the doctors appointment, paid my 30 dollars and then sat on the couch rehearsing what I needed to tell the doctor.  You would think with me being in a sales career, where I spoke with doctors all day, I would be a little more calm when speaking to them.  That's of course just what you would think...instead I go in there sit in the chair and vomit words all of him.  Im pretty sure that I threw 37 sentences on him with out breathing and he may have left the room to collect his thoughts, and/or my fear, to write me a referral to the nearest psychiatrist in the building.  But he didn't, he actually went out and got a nurse because they decided to do the ultra sound.  Which in fact showed that I had ovulated, normally, praise God!  So of course that just jumbled my brain up more then it already was, because on all accounts this wasn't normal, from a medical view, or even from all my in depth, and always factual internet searching, this wasn't possible.  So, I'm really glad I have an extremely nice doctor, because he just smiled and let me ask a billion questions while reassuring me that I was completely normal, (in the, your body just jacked up a little this month) kinda normal.  This of course was not supposed to happen, we were supposed to either have one of those miracle stories or go with another plan for us that God had lined up, which is also a miracle, just a little bit of different kind.  Instead, in true Nemec fashion, ok, ok, Kerr fashion, poor Travis just got drugged into the odd things that happen to me, we have to go back to drawing board with our plans and yet again wait them out.  Which has also left me with a lot more time to pray and actually get back into the word and realign myself with Gods will for my life. 

  During this hiatus from my blogging career, because I was so extremely busy,  time not knowing how to work my computer.  Travis and I have had some time to get out of our normal life and have the extreme honor and pleasure of attending our youth Retreat, with the jr high and high school kids of our church.  This next part I need to scream because it is so important IF YOU WANT TO BE EXTREMELY BLESSED AND SEE WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT AND FEEL THE POWER OF CHRIST, GET INVOLVED WITH YOUR CHURCH YOUTH GROUP!!!  We went into it extremely nervous and came out as to extremely different people, while we went there for nothing but the kids, God blessed us in more ways then you can ever imagine.  Honestly my life is changed forever, for the better and I am just in awe of our kids, of our church and most importantly of our Lord and Savior.  But with this extreme change also came with a change of plans.  I couldn't help but feel like God was speaking into my heart to wait on Him.  I have argued with Him a bit on this, because I can be a bit stubborn, and after all, I say again, I like getting my way.  After making it clear to me that I need more of Him and less of me,  He must increase, but I must decrease John 3:30. . He showed me that he is 100% in control of my life! He has changed my heart but also has some pretty extreme changes that he was waiting on me to take the first step towards, this being one of the major ones. I can't speak of them all just yet but I can say they are super exciting! You will be shocked, I most certainly was! It's funny how quickly God can pull on your reign and show you just how much He is in control. It kinda makes you feel unworthy that there are so many things that He does for you, no one else but you!

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

I can't imagine waiting longer then we already have, and I continually pray and secretly hope that God will change his mind and give me peace about this, but right now I just don't have it.  And if I have learned anything, I have learned that if God is involved there will be peace.  If He is not, there will be turmoil.  This is a hard decision, but what sort of follower am I if I decided to put my selfish desires before His plans for me.  So, there it is folks!  Please continue to pray for us, we are in good spirits and oddly enough extremely happy in this decision!  I will continue to wait in expectation to be a mother, just not exactly expecting, YET!