And we all fall down...

So I left you the last time 8 days late with 3 negative pregnancy test.  And I wish I could come back and say Yay!  I'm pregnant, but well I'm not.  I finally made an appointment with the fertility doctor, and in true form to the way my life goes it was just a hot mess.. 

  I called the doctor yesterday to ask them about what they heck is going on.  So they threw a few random things that could be causing this, and in the end I had no idea what they were talking about and said "uh-huh" "uh-huh" "Yes I will come in and give some blood tomorrow"  So I make my little appointment and prepare to try and sleep through the night.  This morning I woke up and just couldn't help myself, so I took another test, with that small glimmer of hope that I would be able to call them and say "Hold the phones!  Cancel this appointment and lets turn it into an I'm pregnant appointment", but I got a big fat Not Pregnant (now I could have dreamed this, but I'm pretty sure the test was laughing at me, like straight up taunting me, I got it back though, I threw that stupid thing right in the trash).    So I shook it off and went to the doctor for my appointment. 

SIDE NOTE:  On the way to the doctors office I was listening to the radio and they were talking about how twin births are on the rise.  5 years ago 1 in 50 women had twins, and now it is 1 in 25 of them, now I'm not great at math, but I know enough to know that, that number has been cut in half.  So then they further say it is due to higher use of fertility treatments these days. I didn't think much about that until I got in the office and sat in the waiting room with 7 other women...1 in 25, and I'm there with 7, that means our odds are pretty good... NOT FREAKING OUT, NOT FREAKING OUT.

  Anyways, I got to the doctor, paid my $30 copay, barely sat down in the waiting room, they called me back, took me to the blood drawing station, drew some blood and sent me on my way.  It literally took them less them 5 minutes for this "appointment"  I stressed about this for, well this. LOVE HEALTHCARE!  Then I leave the office, and I actually hate to admit that I still had a small glimmer of hope that the blood results would come out with some crazy results, if you know what I mean (of course you know what I mean, that's what this whole thing is about, duh!).  So anyways, about an hour and a liter water later, I will let figure out where I went.  I went in not really thinking about anything, came out with proof that I'm not pregnant.  Now my first thought was probably not what you think it was, I actually thought dang why did I spend $30 dollars an hour ago,  yup terrible.  Then I thought, well dang.  DANG!  SHOOT!  CRAP!  If there was something I could have kicked I may have, ok I wasn't really so mad I could kick something, just kinda like, well dang.   I could have let it ruin my day (which it did) but not in the emotional wreck kinda way, more in the I'm afraid my ovaries may fall out while walking kinda way.  As much as it just all seems so unfair, I decided to just go on and live out the Glory of God, because as I have said so many times, it will be all worth it, and Gods plan is so much better then mine.  So I made it through the work day and then when I got home my brain started going into overdrive...which means I wanted to cry, but I didn't!!  Its the little victories, right! 

In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.  Psalm 4:8

My doctor called me this evening to give me the results of my blood test to show why it took me so long to start, and apparently my estrogen levels were extremely high.  You may be asking, well what does this mean, which would be an extremely good question.  Except they couldn't tell me, ggrrr.  I have to go back on Monday to do more blood work, then hopefully we will know where to go from there. 

While this is the most frustrating thing ever in the whole world, I still hold strong to the fact that there will be an awesome testimony from all of this.  I already feel overwhelmed by the awesome emails and comments I have gotten from this blog, its amazing how when you open up and just be honest, people start to open up.  I hope that if I can help one person from feeling the way I felt for so long about being embarrassed, and ashamed of something that so many women go through, it will all be worth it.