Its the most Hap-Happiest time of the year, if you let it be!

  When I think of this time of year I automatically start singing, "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas" then I think, no I'm not, I have never had a white Christmas (well except that one year as a flight attendant that I was in Canada in a hotel room alone, but that's another story) and its never actually been something I dreamed about.  So why does my mind automatically start thinking of something that is actually not in my realm of knowledge, nor is it really a possibility to have an actual white Christmas (flurries, maybe a little white frost yes, snow, no) well I will tell you.  Its the same reason that we all go around thinking that we deserve a car with a big red bow on it, a diamond on every major holiday (which I would certainly not say no to, but eh, I like to pay my bills) and we should all be smiling even when someone cuts in front of us in line and take the last one of what we wanted, it all has to do with one word TELEVISION!  Now I'm not writing a blog about how TV is bad, by no means, I do love me some TV (says the girl who has a house of 2 people and 3 TVs) but I have recently been seeing so many things that make me kinda cringe. 

  I turned on the my tube the other day and in one break there was a commercial, about a wife forgetting to buy her husband a gift and running out and buying a car, a dog running in with a ring around his neck to a women, erectile dysfunction (OK that's not relevant , but those do annoy/make me say kinda laugh...I'm just being honest) and kids counting down to Santa bringing her presents.  These all make life seem so perfect, and sweet, and lead us into HUGE expectations of what we should be getting for presents.  When in reality Christmas, a time that is supposed to be so joyous, and happy and awesome for the one and only reason, which is Christ birth, has become one giant annoying, everyone grumbling around, going broke time of year.  I will be the first person to admit, I have totally gotten caught up in this, for example, the other day I prayed that God would lift some of my need to control all the gifts and what and when we bought them (yeah I'm a women who likes to control things, sue me) off of me and help me let go and put Him in control.  Then I promptly called my husband and told/yelled at him what he had to do for a someones gift, and when it had to be done by...thank goodness for grace, because clearly this control thing is going to be something that I really need help with. 
  Well, in true form of being caught up in all of this, I have been super stressed this year about getting it all done when I had a real reality check Wednesday and some how the stress kinda melted away.  I normally don't ever tell people things like this, because well I just feel like its not something to be broadcasted, but this year was different.  Every year since Travis and I have been together we have adopted a family for Christmas.  This year being no different, we decided to ask some friends if they would like to go in with us.  Well, y'all know how in previous post I already told you how cool my friends were?  I proved it once again, my friends Mr and Mrs. Bass had already taken a family on!  So after a little discussion, The Fisher Family, Bass Family, and Nemec Family decided to all adopt this little family to give them an awesome Christmas!  So after many emails, we all got together, bought these babies presents and planned a day for delivery.  I have to be honest, some of this actually felt a little routine, and the true meaning of it hadn't actually hit me until we got there to deliver the gifts (this is a terrible thing to admit, I know, but I'm trying to be as honest as possible here).

We arrived knocked on the families door, and when we were greeted my heart did a flip flop.  I saw 4 sweet little faces with smiles as big as Texas, 4 little faces that were so excited they could barely contain themselves.  As if this didn't melt my heart enough I was standing in the living room talking to them, and I felt these little arms around my leg randomly giving me a hug.  Y'all this was a hug like no other.  It was the most genuine hug I think I may have ever received.  It was a 5 year old who was truly grateful for the presents "Santa's Elves" brought her.  It was honest. It was thoughtful. Most importantly it was, love, which was the only way her little 5 year old self knew how to show what she was feeling.  We stayed and played with the kids for a little bit and loved on this little family and just took in the excitement that they were feeling.  It was infectious, it put a smile on all of our faces (especially when the little girls kept wanting us to pass them back and forth, and before we left had learned our names), we just wanted to be in the moment forever.  However as we all know moments cant last forever and we have to leave and go back to our lives and get back to "normal".  But for some reason I couldn't stop thinking about this family and the love that they had not only for one another, but for us, complete strangers, people they will probably never see again. 

(This is a really long post, so I give you permission to stop reading now if you want)

I really wish I could finish this and tell you how the rest of the week was just one big sweet moment, and how I really learned the true meaning of Christmas and how changed I was.  Except here is the real story:

So once we got off of our high for delivering gifts, I went to bed and woke up in a very undream-like normal day, it was like all the magic disappeared and I had to continue to prepare for Christmas with my family. Of course, just like I promised I wouldn't do, I couldn't help letting myself get a little stressed about it all, because in true Kayla fashion, I decided I needed to do it all, and make it all (I am not crafty AT ALL, so my talents are more in my cooking, I always try to make up for my uncraftyness by cooking a billion things).  So I made my list of last minute gifts to buy, my list of everything I felt I needed to cook and bake and tried to plan out my time to get it all done.  Well instead of making this a fun time where I could really focus on the meaning of Christmas and this time with my family, I found myself getting very ungrateful and unhappy.  I grumbled about doing it all, and not having time to get it all done.  I stomped around like a child who just got her candy taken from her, because I had SSOOO much to do and no time to get it all done, and oh poor me.  So as I was being a big ole baby, Travis was so trying to cheer me up and it just annoyed me for some reason.  Unfortunately, it wasn't until I snapped, well, no reason at all, then Travis snapped and we just had a few minutes of pointless screaming and being big ole babies (I'm grown up enough to admit, I did that) that I was slammed back into the reality of the moment.  Where had that joy gone on Wednesday?  Where had those feelings of love and hope and happiness go?  Why couldn't I remember the scripture I had recited to myself all week  Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred.  Proverbs 15:17?   It took me and my husband getting into a full fledged argument on Christmas Eve to bring me back to reality (I wish I could tell a different story, but hey sometimes the truth is just not that fun).  The reality that this was not about how well I could cook, how much money we could spend, or anything other then the birth of our Lord and Savior.  This was a time that we could get together with the people that we loved the most, and just celebrate the lives we have because we have a Father who loves us so much that He sent His only son to die for our sins and give us eternal life.   Once that hit me I changed my tune!  I now sit here and reflect on the the past few days and think about what an awesome family and life I have, I remember the little family about how we were able to bless them with a Christmas that they would not have been able to have and how this season is so easy to just get lost in.  Besides the fact that while at church my dog ate an entire batch of Jalapeno Sausage Cups that were left cooling on the kitchen counter, and that my grandmother told me that she didn't like what I had done with my hair (at least she didn't tell me this year that marriage had agreed with me, but that I had gained weight in the right places) and besides that fact that sometimes my family closely resembles the The Griswold's, minus the squirrel in the tree, I have a fantastic, wonderful, filled with more love then one deserves family!  I have a God that loves us so much He gave His only son!  I am beyond blessed and cant imagine any other life then the one I have been given!

Jesus truly is the reason for the season and I pray that if I ever start to forget this, I get a jolt back into reality! 

Here are just a few of my blessings, a couple Christmas pics of some of my neices and nephews!

List are stupid...

Ugh I promised I wouldn't take giant breaks in this whole blogging thing, but y'all I have been BUSY!  I wish I could be all uplifting and say "Oh its a good busy, I'm so blessed to have plans and friends and family who want to see me and share my time"  but the truth is I have been so incredibly busy that I honestly have no idea what I have done.  Literally no recollection of the past weeks since Thanksgiving, its like I wake up, work out, and that is where the schedule goes haywire until the next day when I wake up and think, what they heck did I do yesterday.  But, hey I'm still waking up, and that's the main thing right!

On to the actual intended blog post:

Today was one of those days where I woke up and went to work out like normal, except today I woke up with an odd feeling.  Its my 29th birthday today (and I didn't cry!)  its my last year in my twenties, my last year to be considered "young"  I'm a full fledged adult...(sorry for the pause, I had to chew on that and wash it down with some water)  I know we all get older, and I know that most people are fine with it, but for some reason age has always freaked me out.  I think I have always put an extra special pressure on myself about age, and what in my personal timeline I needed to have accomplished.  It was actually fairly recently that I found a list I made myself in high school about my 5 year, 10 year, and 20 year plan (I know I'm not the only nerd who did this), well it was kinda funny that I have always been a planner, even when I didn't know what I was planning.  As I read through the list I realized I have accomplished a lot I set out for myself, I graduated college, got a job, bought a car (well a couple, due to my talent for totalling cars), got married, and bought a house.   So I gave myself a pat on the back for my accomplishing a fairly generic list of goals that most high school kids had, and never thought about it again.

  Then there was this morning.  My 29th birthday (geeze why do you keep reminding me...age is just a number and you're only as old as you feel...oh sorry I just had a Stewart Smalley moment (for those of  you who don't get that, you tube it)) I think I just put a parenthesis in a parenthesis, Julie Beken will be cringing with that, lol.  KAYLA GET BACK ON TRACK.  Anyways My 29th birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday(that was an echo).  The stupid list popped back up, it was like the enemy was trying to remind me the one main thing on the list I hadn't accomplished,  kids.  So here I sit with birth announcements, and baby belly's all around me, and I don't have one.  I'm still stuck peeing on an ovulation stick hoping for a smiley face, you're jealous right, its glamorous life but someone has to live it.  So like every other thing I do, I over analyzed this morning why this stupid little list kept popping up in my head.  I remember last year getting the pep talks, this is your year, I just feel like its going to happen for you, well here is it, me and my list again this year and sadly friends, obviously that didn't happen, so instead of moping about it, I decided to change my perspective. I have a new sense of peace about it all.  I read this morning something that I literally read on the exact same day last year and underlined it.

 Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3 

Y'all I being the planner that I am, stopped what I was doing and like every self respecting person in this day and age, facebooked about it.  But after that I was like WHOA, my plans will succeed, if I commit them to You.  Stop drink that in, like ice water on a hot day.  COMMIT TO THE LORD WHATEVER YOU DO, and your plans WILL succeed.  If your like me you have to read this several times to actually grasp it (you probably don't, because you are much smarter then me, but this is not about you and your bragging about yourself)  Here is what I saw that He was trying to tell me on the same day last year.  Kayla, Commit to me EVERYTHING and your plans will succeed.  Now here is the tricky part my pea brain didn't grasp, no where in that did God put a 5 year, 10 year or 20 year plan.  He simply said commit and your plans will succeed, not commit and I will give you what you want in a year.  Now the other tricky part, saying your plans will succeed means the plans he has laid out for you, which lets be honest are way better.  Get it?  Not the plan that I made for myself, because, well that is how I wanted it and I should get what I want, right, I mean I wrote it down when I was 16 and knew everything.   WRONG!!!

  I am about to admit something that I can barely type, it is hard for me to even put into writing, but I am, was your typical youngest (favorite, but don't tell my siblings) child, I got my way, I liked getting my way, and if I didn't I cried and usually ended up getting my way...My name is Kayla and I was a full fledged bratty kid.  OMG that was worse then admitting I like to watch the biggest loser while eating fresh baked cookies, its just wrong.  I think my fingers burn just typing it...  So when I read this I may have pouted a little, I stomped my feet threw my hands in the air and scream "WHY ME"...ok, ok I didn't I actually didn't do that last part, I just always see it on TV and imagined doing it, but I did pout and think it wasn't fair, (I didn't say I was fully over my bratty kid syndrome).  And so I did the only thing I knew to do in this situation and prayed.

So I have prayed about this all day, and between, over 100 super awesomely sweet humbling birthday messages and an awesome Josh Wilson concert at church tonight, I have decided no more list!  Only committing in EVERYTHING and knowing that my specifically designed plans will succeed.  I'd say that's a pretty good revelation to have on ones birthday!  Thank you Lord, for always being there to point out the obvious, even when we don't always see what is right in front of our faces.