List are stupid...

Ugh I promised I wouldn't take giant breaks in this whole blogging thing, but y'all I have been BUSY!  I wish I could be all uplifting and say "Oh its a good busy, I'm so blessed to have plans and friends and family who want to see me and share my time"  but the truth is I have been so incredibly busy that I honestly have no idea what I have done.  Literally no recollection of the past weeks since Thanksgiving, its like I wake up, work out, and that is where the schedule goes haywire until the next day when I wake up and think, what they heck did I do yesterday.  But, hey I'm still waking up, and that's the main thing right!

On to the actual intended blog post:

Today was one of those days where I woke up and went to work out like normal, except today I woke up with an odd feeling.  Its my 29th birthday today (and I didn't cry!)  its my last year in my twenties, my last year to be considered "young"  I'm a full fledged adult...(sorry for the pause, I had to chew on that and wash it down with some water)  I know we all get older, and I know that most people are fine with it, but for some reason age has always freaked me out.  I think I have always put an extra special pressure on myself about age, and what in my personal timeline I needed to have accomplished.  It was actually fairly recently that I found a list I made myself in high school about my 5 year, 10 year, and 20 year plan (I know I'm not the only nerd who did this), well it was kinda funny that I have always been a planner, even when I didn't know what I was planning.  As I read through the list I realized I have accomplished a lot I set out for myself, I graduated college, got a job, bought a car (well a couple, due to my talent for totalling cars), got married, and bought a house.   So I gave myself a pat on the back for my accomplishing a fairly generic list of goals that most high school kids had, and never thought about it again.

  Then there was this morning.  My 29th birthday (geeze why do you keep reminding me...age is just a number and you're only as old as you feel...oh sorry I just had a Stewart Smalley moment (for those of  you who don't get that, you tube it)) I think I just put a parenthesis in a parenthesis, Julie Beken will be cringing with that, lol.  KAYLA GET BACK ON TRACK.  Anyways My 29th birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday(that was an echo).  The stupid list popped back up, it was like the enemy was trying to remind me the one main thing on the list I hadn't accomplished,  kids.  So here I sit with birth announcements, and baby belly's all around me, and I don't have one.  I'm still stuck peeing on an ovulation stick hoping for a smiley face, you're jealous right, its glamorous life but someone has to live it.  So like every other thing I do, I over analyzed this morning why this stupid little list kept popping up in my head.  I remember last year getting the pep talks, this is your year, I just feel like its going to happen for you, well here is it, me and my list again this year and sadly friends, obviously that didn't happen, so instead of moping about it, I decided to change my perspective. I have a new sense of peace about it all.  I read this morning something that I literally read on the exact same day last year and underlined it.

 Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3 

Y'all I being the planner that I am, stopped what I was doing and like every self respecting person in this day and age, facebooked about it.  But after that I was like WHOA, my plans will succeed, if I commit them to You.  Stop drink that in, like ice water on a hot day.  COMMIT TO THE LORD WHATEVER YOU DO, and your plans WILL succeed.  If your like me you have to read this several times to actually grasp it (you probably don't, because you are much smarter then me, but this is not about you and your bragging about yourself)  Here is what I saw that He was trying to tell me on the same day last year.  Kayla, Commit to me EVERYTHING and your plans will succeed.  Now here is the tricky part my pea brain didn't grasp, no where in that did God put a 5 year, 10 year or 20 year plan.  He simply said commit and your plans will succeed, not commit and I will give you what you want in a year.  Now the other tricky part, saying your plans will succeed means the plans he has laid out for you, which lets be honest are way better.  Get it?  Not the plan that I made for myself, because, well that is how I wanted it and I should get what I want, right, I mean I wrote it down when I was 16 and knew everything.   WRONG!!!

  I am about to admit something that I can barely type, it is hard for me to even put into writing, but I am, was your typical youngest (favorite, but don't tell my siblings) child, I got my way, I liked getting my way, and if I didn't I cried and usually ended up getting my way...My name is Kayla and I was a full fledged bratty kid.  OMG that was worse then admitting I like to watch the biggest loser while eating fresh baked cookies, its just wrong.  I think my fingers burn just typing it...  So when I read this I may have pouted a little, I stomped my feet threw my hands in the air and scream "WHY ME"...ok, ok I didn't I actually didn't do that last part, I just always see it on TV and imagined doing it, but I did pout and think it wasn't fair, (I didn't say I was fully over my bratty kid syndrome).  And so I did the only thing I knew to do in this situation and prayed.

So I have prayed about this all day, and between, over 100 super awesomely sweet humbling birthday messages and an awesome Josh Wilson concert at church tonight, I have decided no more list!  Only committing in EVERYTHING and knowing that my specifically designed plans will succeed.  I'd say that's a pretty good revelation to have on ones birthday!  Thank you Lord, for always being there to point out the obvious, even when we don't always see what is right in front of our faces.