Crunchin' Some Numbers

My friend Monica recently wrote a blog about it being National Infertility Awareness Week  (www.resolve.com), which you should read, Farmers Faith.  In it she talks about people not understanding infertility, or even really being aware of it.  Well all this got me thinking (scary right)about things people have said to me through this journey.  Don't get me wrong, I understand the the average person doesn't get the struggle my family is going through...or wait, do you, studies show that 1 in 7 couples struggle to get pregnant,soak that in for a second. That's A LOT, y'all.  For instance, I know 6, count 'em, 6 couples who are very good friends, that have been trying for what seems like forever.  So enough of this unawareness, make yourself aware, chances are you know a friend, sister, cousin, or coworker that is going through this.  I realize I tend to be pretty open and vocal about it, which can freak people out, but I don't understand why people are afraid to talk about it, God got me over that real quick, this is His story NOT mine. Period.  He gets all the glory the day my baby comes! 

So since I'm not afraid, here are some things that you may or may not know. 

Couples under 35 are told to try for a year then seek medical help, what they are not told is that insurance does not cover the help.   After seeking the help, it could take several months of testing to even begin to get a diagnosis, which adds to the time you're not pregnant.  THEN, they can diagnose you with something called "Unexplained Infertility"  seriously?!?!?!?  is this even a diagnosis. I mean they should really call it "there is definitely something wrong, we just don't know what it is" that would be a more accurate name, lol.   If you happen to get this diagnosis, doctors are speechless and give you a whole slew of "inexpensive" different medications to try and boost your chances of getting pregnant.  Which if those dont help, leads to several more months, adding to the pain and heartache of waiting. 

Then we get into the real meat of infertility.  The assisted ways to get pregnant.  This is where the real frustration comes in for most couples.  The least expensive option is the lowest level of  Intrauterine Insemination or IUI, and cost on average $1,200, and they recommend you try that THREE times.  Again if that doesn't work you have to try the more expensive option, which usually leads people to IVF which is pretty much the last stop for most people, of course short of donor eggs, and asking another women to carry your baby.  However one round of IVF can cost about $20,000, put your eyes back in your head, I bet you had no idea that it cost so much.  If you have never struggled getting pregnant, I'm not telling you this, to make you feel sorry for anyone going through it, I'm telling you this, so you will understand how badly we want our babies. 

  Now enough of the money, money is something you can borrow.  Here is the real struggle.  I'm going to use myself for an example because that is the best I got.  We have tried for 3 years exactly this month.  A comment that someone once said to me, is the one that I have had the hardest letting go of, they probably don't even remember saying it, and were honestly trying to be helpful, but to me it hit me to my core and I remember the place and time it was said.  They said "well it hasn't been that long that you have been trying, some people try a lot longer"  it may not seem like much, but here is were I started crunching the numbers. 

• Three years of trying to conceive equals 36 heartbreaks, each time your cycle starts.
• Three years of trying to conceive equals 156 weekly trips to the grocery store and not being able to park in the expectant mothers spot.
• Three years of trying to conceive equals 180 recommended times of trying to "relax" and have fun, while, well trying to conceive, and not looking at it as a mission to accomplish something.
• Three years of trying to conceive equals 504 days in the two week period of waiting and counting every little twinge your body makes, between ovulation and waiting to see if you are pregnant.
• Three years of trying to conceive equals 1095 days of being reminded daily that you do not have your baby. 
• Three years of trying to conceive is what seems like a million baby shower invites, birth announcements, or people sharing the "I'm pregnant" news.

I realize these numbers may not mean much, but to someone who has been waiting and seeing the other 6 our of the 1 in 7 couples around them get pregnant theses numbers are huge.  I know infertility is not a life threatening disease, but it is a life changing diagnosis.  It is something that you are reminded daily of, in the mall, the parking lot, in the gym (do you have any idea how bad I WANT to burn off baby weight, crazy right), it is all around us.  And when I admit this next thing you will think I'm crazy, but there are some days I sit in my car and pretend/daydream I have a baby in my back seat, or that I can feel my baby in my arms.  So I write this again, not to make anyone feel sorry for me or anyone else going through this, I write this to put it in perspective, so that maybe next time you want to be helpful, you don't say "just don't think about it and have fun" (there are no such things as, don't think about it days)  you just simply be a shoulder to cry on, a person to pray with and an ear to listen.  That's what we need, not advice, or stories of other people you know.

Love you all, and as always thank you for the prayers.!!


He settles the childless woman in her home

as a happy mother of children.

Praise the Lord.

Psalm 113:9